When I'm Gone
by strangelydelusional
Summary: He always thought he had a chance with her. Until happiness turned against him and everything just fell apart. Snape/Lily.


**AN:** A song fic! One of the song fics I wrote and it's Snape and Lily. Hope you enjoy reading and reviews will be greatly appreciated! :)

**Disc.** JK Rowling owns all characters; The song is When I'm Gone by the Click Five.

* * *

_**He always thought he had a chance with her. Until happiness turned against him and everything just fell apart.**_

* * *

He stood there, in the middle of a crowd where everyone could see him but he was isolated from everyone else with no one to help or support him.

_Ten, Nine, Eight… Se-seven._ He counted in his mind as he tried to ignore all laughter reverberating throughout the hallway. Someone had once told him that to calm down, they should count from one to ten. He followed the advice - after all it was _good_ advice, but somehow it didn't seem to work on him.

His fists tightened as the four-eyed boy sneered at him, but as much as he wanted to punch him, he told someone that he wouldn't fight back – he couldn't break that person's trust.

James Potter still haven't had enough which is why he continued to tease him, but this time his friend Sirius Black joined him. It was starting to get out of control with other students looking at them and yet, Severus Snape was still trying hard to ignore _everything_.

That was until he heard a voice from behind – the one who gave him the advice, the one whose trust he couldn't break, the same person he's been in love with ever since they were young – Lily Evans. She walked past him, her steps sounding rather angry, and pushed James away from Severus.

"You arrogant toerag! What is wrong with you? What did he ever do to you for him to deserve your mockery? Just… _Leave him alone!"_ She yelled at him.

Severus was speechless. She was defending _him_. He was a Slytherin, whom everyone had thought of someone weird. And yet there he was, standing stupidly, admiring how cute she is when she's mad.

His eyes drifted from her to James, who was quiet. He always knew how infatuated he was with Lily, and that made his blood boil but the fact that she was annoyed at him made him feel relaxed. That she would be with him and vice versa.

"Just leave, Potter." Her saccharine voice probably made James' knees feel weak because he could see his cheeks flush.

Of course, James did as he was told. How could he not with her green eyes piercing through his soul and her voice echoing throughout his body? But he wouldn't leave just like that. As he walked towards Severus, a smirk ripped across his face, as if he was planning something.

The next thing he knew was that Lily was running towards him and that his head was throbbing. _Fucking bastard._ James pushed him too hard that he fell on the floor – he probably hit his head too since there was a stabbing pain.

"Still the same old wimp you are, Snivellus. I pity Evans so much since she's stuck with helping you. You wouldn't stand a chance against us if it weren't for her." James Potter scoffed as he turned around to walk.

In an impulse, Severus Snape stood up.

"I don't need help from anyone! Especially from a filthy little mudblood!"

And with a blink of an eye, his whole world fell apart.

_Dear Love  
__Better sit down  
__Bad news  
__Get the word out  
__Accidents  
__Come with conclusions_

He stood there eyes wide open and letting out heavy breaths. It all happened so fast. He wasn't able to stop himself and by the time he had realized what he did, everything was too late. No words came out of his mouth. He gasped for air and begged at the redhead.

"L-Lily! I-I didn't mean to say that! I-I'm sorry!" he pleaded and stuttered as he looked up at her, not even bothering to stand up.

"Listen, I didn't mean-"

"-to call me a mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth a _mudblood_, Severus. Why should I be any different?" her eyes were full of tears. She looked at him as if she could see through his soul and then quickly ran away from him, as if he was some sort of monster in her eyes.

_I'm numb  
__On the asphalt  
__Don't cry  
__Wasn't your fault  
__I can't feel  
__It's just confusion__  
_

He stood there by the pillar, where everyone passes by him, as he watched Lily walk hand-in-hand with James Potter, the guy whom she despised just few years ago. Now, they're dating. They say that if you truly love someone, you have to let that person be happy. But no matter how hard he tried to be happy for her, he can't accept the fact that it's over for them.

The memory haunts him. Images would appear vividly; Her face painted with tears, the fear and shock in her eyes… unforgettable. It was his entire fault. All his. And every time he replays that scene, he gets mad at himself. Mad for not being strong enough to ignore Potter. Mad for calling her a mudblood. Mad for thinking that maybe if he hadn't called her a mudblood, she would still be with him. And that striking smile of hers would be directed to him and not Potter.

_When I'm gone  
And the lights are out  
Don't be sad for long  
When I'm gone  
And the lights are out  
I'll be shining on  
I'm just gonna let my life  
Bleed on this letter  
Let my song  
Sing on forever  
I'll still love you when I'm gone_

He stood there, beside an oak tree where no one could see him. It was their wedding day and all of their friends were invited. Of course not him, how can he be invited to such a grand and festive event? And even if he was invited, he still wouldn't go. He still wouldn't go because it would make Lily unhappy. It will bring back sad memories that she would want to forget. And he doesn't want that to happen; especially not when she's in a beautiful white gown, not when she's extremely happy, not on her wedding day.

She was so beautiful, so happy, and so peaceful. The way she would look at James with love and passion, it pains him. He wanted to be that guy. But it was too late. She now belongs to someone else, and his heart bleeds every time he would look at her and realize that she is no longer Lily Evans, but Lily Potter.

Nevertheless, he would never stop loving her. He would never stop blaming himself. He would never stop wishing he was James Potter. As much as he wants to stop, he can't; because his heart belongs to Lily Evans and no one else.

_Teardrops  
Paint the face  
Despair  
Is contagious  
Dressed in black  
Clutching a red rose_

He stood there, beside a beech tree where no one could see him. He was in black, and so were their friends. They were all crying, not a single dry face among the crowd. He too was crying. All of him was crying. He just lost the person he loved the most. Lily Evans, killed by Lord Voldemort. He stood there, beside the same beech tree, as he waited for everyone to leave. And when they were gone, he approached her deathbed. He wept for her, for his loss. She didn't deserve to die. She shouldn't have died. He remained there, hoping that she would miraculously come back to life. And when she didn't, he shed tears once again. He tried to protect her, he did. But he still failed. He looked at her deathbed. Wishing he could turn back time and change everything. A white rose for his.

As white as a Lily, as beautiful as her. A Lily white rose for his beloved.

_My love goes on  
And the lights are out  
Don't be sad for long  
When I'm gone  
And the lights are out  
I'll be shining on  
I'm just gonna let my life  
Bleed on this letter  
Let my song  
Sing on forever  
I'll still love you when I'm gone_

He laid there, slowly dying from pain. In front of him, was her son; her son who was brave, the boy who lived, the boy who has her green eyes. Tears fell from his eyes. Up until now, he hasn't forgotten her. She was always in his mind. He looked at Harry, his green eyes looking into his soul. All his life, he protected this boy even though it pained him to no end. All his life, he would see Lily in him. All his life, he's been risking his life, just to preserve his mother's green eyes. Tears continued to roll down his face. He gathered all of his strength, all the remaining life within him to open his mouth.

"_Look at me… You have your mother's eyes."_

Through those eyes, he saw her face once more. Her smile, her red hair, her pale skin, her green eyes; and with that image stuck in his head, he closed his eyes hoping that he will never let go of her memory. He would always love her, even beyond death. Always.


End file.
